Showing up at a funeral wearing HOT PINK when everyone is wearing BLACK being a VEGETARIAN at a HOT-DOG EATING CONTEST; or walking into your grandma’s house NAKED while she celebrates her 75th BIRTHDAY are pretty much what it’s like for me being Black and Breastfeeding.  It’s weird, it’s not normal, and for some in my family it’s considered gross.  Breastfeeding just isn’t done in my family or in much of the black community where I live. My husband was number nine of ten children; none of them were breastfed.  When I came to his sister’s house to celebrate mother’s day, his mother was in complete shock that the milk she was feeding her new grandson in a bottle came from a human being. If she was shocked with that information, imagine her reaction when she discovered that I barely used a bottle and am more comfortable feeding directly from the breast; I might as well have said I don’t believe in God.  My husband’s sister flat out said that breastfeeding was gross, that breasts were used for sex, and said that I was weird and should pump. (As if pumping is so easy.) I was the strange one for wanting to breastfeed, and often times I was told that it was my “white” side that was eager to do it and comfortable doing so 


Why is breastfeeding a “white” thing?

My side of the family is a little more excepting of breastfeeding but it is still seldom done by the younger members. My grandmother breastfed for a short while, my aunts breastfed as well for an even shorter period and my cousins never breastfed at all outside of the hospital. Though my family is much more excepting of breastfeeding there are a long list of stipulations:

1. No breastfeeding past a year - “After a year they are too old to breastfeed, you better pump it into a cup”

2. You have to use a cover or isolate yourself completely- “Nobody wants to see all that”

3. The number of times you nurse or length of time you nurse is limited -”He isn’t hungry! He’s using you as a pacifier! You feed him to much!  Are you still feeding him? That’s way too long.  Start giving him rice cereal.”

For my husband, the idea of breastfeeding, was new and foreign. It wasn’t anything he was exposed to beforehand and he wasn’t very excepting of it right away. The change in him was gradual and I must admit came about for selfish reasons. When he first heard that I was going to breastfeed, he asked why I had to be different. He couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just give him a bottle like everyone else and kept accusing me of trying to be abnormal on purpose. He saw breasts as sexual objects strictly to be used by him. When he accepted the fact I couldn’t be moved on my decision, he tried to implement a list of rules: No breastfeeding outside the house, no breastfeeding in front of the kids, always use a cover, and so on and so forth. It was a very difficult time for our relationship because he just couldn’t see breastfeeding as a natural and beautiful thing. It was exhausting trying to get him to understand that just because he hadn’t any experience with it, that didn’t make it wrong. What finally made my husband see the light was after our son was born. It was 3 am and my husband had to be at work at 6 am. The baby wakes, and begins to cry, but within about a minute all was quiet again. I had whipped out my breast so fast and got the little one back to sleep so quickly that my husband barely missed a wink. He told me that he was so glad I had “those” things.  From then on he was a believer in the almighty power of breasts. He was so happy that I was able to comfort our baby so quickly. Not to mention the fact that with him being the sole breadwinner, he was saving loads of money by not having to purchase formula. Though time has gone on and he has become more comfortable with breastfeeding he still has a bit of a way to go. For instance he is still a stickler about using a cover and breastfeeding in public altogether.

For me, sometimes being  Black and Breastfeeding is like being alone on a deserted island. Where are all of my fellow black breastfeeding mommas?  They don’t exist in my family, in my group of friends, my coworkers, until now with Meet, Nurse, Love breastfeeding support groups I’ve attended in the past were non-existent, they weren't anywhere. I just wished there were more of us out there. It could be that I was mistaken then and they just weren't in my area and if so that sucks, especially for the people that are in need of the support I've found at Meet, Nurse, Love.  I mean, until now breastfeeding would've be so much nicer if I didn’t feel like I was one of the only sisters doing it in the neighborhood. I thought, if I could meet others like me struggling to make breastfeeding the norm in our community, or even in just our families, it would be a relief knowing I wasn’t alone in the struggle. Hopefully, by standing up and supporting the normalization of breastfeeding and the continued growth of Meet, Nurse, Love in our community new black moms would see that it’s not strange to nurse our little ones, and families will nurse their babies without a second thought. I also hope that some of us women with similar struggles of be accepted in our family can gather together and be a sense of strength for each other.  I know I sure could use that help and support.

As the Oakland County Breastfeeding Coalition celebrates World Breastfeeding Week and National Breastfeeding Month, we reflect on ways we, the public, can support breastfeeding mothers and babies by creating spaces that are welcoming and supportive of normal infant feeding at the breast.  So what does this mean - a "breastfeeding friendly place"?  And where is such a place even needed?  Well, to me, as a mother who has nursed 3 babies, a breastfeeding friendly place is a place where I can safely sit and feed my baby in a clean environment - bonus points for climate controlled spaces !  

We hear in the news about specific places set aside for a breastfeeding dyad, such as in airports  - this allows for a mother to seek out a private space if needed.  It also allows for a private space for breastfeeding moms who use a pump to express milk for their babies.  Some retail establishments create mother/baby spaces also - some places that come to mind for me are Nordstrom Department Store at Somerset in Troy and Modern Natural Baby Store in Ferndale.  We have to remember; however, that wherever we have people, we have nursing moms !  Libraries, sports stadiums, zoos, malls, restaurants, farmers markets, amusement parks, outdoor festivals, concerts, churches, schools, doctor office waiting rooms……nursing moms are everywhere in Oakland County !  And breastfeeding moms are hopefully not feeling as much pressure to nurse in private - their cars, a restroom stall, someplace hidden, with OR without a cover.  Moms have the choice of where to feed their babies based on their comfort level. 

Target was in the news recently for a section of their employee handbook addressing breastfeeding customers   - the policy allows for a nursing mother to be given a fitting room in order to privately feed her baby, even if others are waiting for rooms.  It tells employees NOT to approach a nursing mom unless she requests assistance.  These types of policies are needed in order to remove personal bias that employees may have or due to employees who are uneducated about the rights and needs of a nursing mother to feed her baby. 

I applaud all businesses and organizations who recognize the needs of nursing moms and work to create a breastfeeding friendly place and I encourage them to reach out to the Oakland County Breastfeeding Coalition if they want more information on how they can further support nursing moms.

I am hopeful for our mothers and babies in Oakland County, that as breastfeeding is normalized through the efforts of mothers and organizations, that these breast-feeding "couples" can go about their days not having to worry about their ability to safely feed their baby, to feel supported, to be encouraged, to be protected from harassment, to be applauded by their communities !  From Royal Oak to Pontiac, from Oxford to Bloomfield Hills, let's create communities that support mothers and babies and their right to feed at the breast.

Where's Breastfeeding? Everywhere!